Better Sex!

We think talking about sex and all that goes with it is a good thing. The more you feel comfortable with your body and what you like, the more you and your partner (s) will enjoy themselves.

Check out Dan Savage’s Lovecast for more great discussions.



Meeting in public, or Not on an App

Think about all the places you might meet someone. It could be bars, the workplace, a gym, or a house party. If you spot someone in one of these places and think they are hot, what is the best way to get them in bed?

  • Work is usually a tricky place to “date”. Most people are better off if they keep work and personal life separate. Realistically, personal life and work life mix pretty often. There are a couple of things to consider if you want to hook up at work. If you work for a big company, you can at least physically avoid each other when things end. In a small place, that’s much harder to do. The best thing is to keep it quiet, that way if it ends, no one will be the wiser.
  • Gyms and coffee shops are an easy place to meet someone and you probably visit them multiple times a week. If you see someone you like, make eye contact and smile. See how they react. No matter what, go up to the person and introduce yourself. Don’t ever assume that someone is out of your league. Don’t ask do you work out, especially at the gym. Compliment them on a clothing article, haircut or their smile. And practice, not everyone is good at flirting. Self-confidence is the number one things people respond to.
  • Some basic manners will make you look good. Try not to interrupt another conversation, wait for a break. If they are busy making out with someone else, you might want to wait until another night. “Hi, how are you, my name is”… Those are good openers. Keep it fun, or sexy. You could say “I find you very attractive”. That message, delivered in a self-confident way, is very powerful. That is not the same as drunk slurring “your hot” on the way past someone. Grabbing someone’s bicep or ass is not ideal either.
  • Be prepared for them to say nothing or thank you and then you walk away gracefully. Ideally, if they are polite, they will say thank you, what’s your name, my name is…  Share a few words, and see how it goes. Don’t check your phone while you are talking to them.

Sure, some people are annoying, and some people are rude. Don’t try to beat them at that game. Personally, I like volunteering, You meet a nice group of people, usually with a different point of view. Try it out.

Bottoming, tips and tricks no matter what role you like to play!

Reality is different than porn, and we enjoy both. A good bottom is better with a good top and vice versa. When you are having sex with a new partner, remember that everyone likes things a little differently. No matter what role you play, paying attention to your partner can enhance the experience for both of you.

Gay sex doesn’t always include penetration, but when it does, here are a few notes to keep it fun and clean.

1) Playing the role of the bottom, and doing it well, is all about preparation.

There are more than a couple of things that can go in an ass- these include fingers, toys, tongue, or a cock. Some of these are less intrusive, or don’t go as deep. This means there are also various degrees of preparation.

2). Prep can be as simple as eating something agreeable, or simply washing in and around the hole.

Washing is a good start. Rub a little soap on your finger and then in and around your hole. Wet wipes are also a good tool. For more thorough preparation, use an enema or something that provides an internal wash. Enemas are easily available at mainstream drugstores. Most gay adult toy sites will offer tools as well. When cleaning out, give yourself some time to allow the water to exit your system. If you go really deep, it may take longer to wash yourself out.

3). How to make it look and feel easy

A bottom might find it helpful to “loosen up” their hole prior to penetration. This can be done with your own finger or toy and it tends to make things go in a little easier. The initial act of penetration is likely to hurt or be uncomfortable. Most people find that some sort of lube is helpful. A smooth penetration also depends on how hard the top is, and how tight the hole is. It’s not always a home run.

4). What to do when something happens in the middle of sex.

Given how the body functions, it is likely that there is going to be some residue on the inserted appendage or toy. The first thing is to try not to freak out, it washes off. Yes it is unpleasant, but have a towel nearby for these kinds of clean-ups. Condoms can be helpful in less than ideal situations. Whether on a cock or on a toy, it makes cleaning up much easier.

If you are the bottom, and you are not sure how things are going to go, excuse yourself to the restroom and freshen up. At any point, if the bottom thinks it is not a good idea to continue, do something else not involving the hole, or reschedule.

5). Keep it fun, and talk dirty

Whatever position, try to communicate with each other. Many men prefer a verbal partner. The dialogue reinforces that they are giving you pleasure. Try to avoid repeating phrases like “fuck me” and “oh yeah” too many times. You may want to check cleanliness between penetrations if you take a break. That can save on some clean up later.

What are your tips for being a good bottom?

Do you like your partner to be verbal?


Making it Happen

You’ve been trading dirty pictures and messages, your calendar is open, and you find your potential partner hot. The next thing you know, you have just agreed to hook up via an app. How do you make this happen?

There are basically two ways, meet in a public place or meet somewhere you can have sex.

1). Is this a date or a hook-up?

If you arrange to meet for a beer or a cup of coffee initially, clarify your intentions. Are you pre-screening them to see if they are who they claim to be? Do they look like their pictures? Are you prepared to go have sex immediately upon mutual agreement? Or, are you taking your time? Are you meeting this afternoon for coffee and then if it goes well, tomorrow night for sex? Warning, most men do not think these hook-ups are not supposed to be a dates.

2). Manage your expectations.

If you don’t meet before, be prepared mentally for a few things.  First of all, it is pretty common that people don’t look like their thumbnail. You may be disappointed in his looks, but give him a chance to show off his personality. A good connection between the two of you could lead to a lot more fun that you might think, trust us on this. As for the site of the hook-up, keep your mind on the task at hand.  You may be hosting, or have a standing arrangement at the Motel 6 by your house, or you may be going somewhere new. If you go to their place, just remember, this is not HGTV.

3). Be prepared to have fun.

In the majority of the situations you should be prepared to immediately have sex. Basic hygiene is recommended: teeth brushed, flossed, and some gum on hand. We recommend showering before if possible, even if at the gym. Wearing deodorant is up to you, some guys will request you not wear it. Occasionally your hook-up will request that you not shower, but again, you should decide what you are comfortable with. Be aware, if they ask you to not shower, they are probably not going to. If you are the host, have your tools handy- lube, cock ring, cum rag, whatever you like. If you are a guest,  bring protection if you discussed it, but leave the toys at home, at least the first time.

4). Here are some rules of engagement.

You and your “Bud” go back to the apartment, hotel, parking lot, wherever. Turn your phone on vibrate. Turn off the app you met on. Wear something attractive, sexy, but easy to get off. We recommend no underwear, unless it is a jock strap, or cute underwear. Leave the belts, jackets, layers at home or in the car. That’s more items to forget, whether you are leaving in a good-sex haze, or in a hurry. There is also a chance you won’t see them again, at least not right away. Don’t expect a shower or cuddle after, be prepared to wipe off with that complimentary rag, put your clothes on and leave. It’s not a date, so don’t expect to be invited to join them in a glass of wine after.

5). Decide what is on the menu before you begin.

Will the hook-up include giving and/or receiving a blowjob? Penetration? Ejaculation? That’s just to name the basic moves. Always be comfortable in your decision. Being bold in your sexting is one thing, but actually doing them is another. You can always change your mind, at any point. If you don’t want to do something, even if you said you did, you can always change your mind. When discussing what your actions are going to be, you should ask about HIV status and any other STDs and STIs. Some are very easy to catch. You should be truthful about your own status and health. Regardless of the answer, always act in your own best interest. If you feel that safe sex is important, then insist on it.

6). Be honest about what you like.

It would be cool, and likely more fun, if you (honestly) discuss and agree upon the events. If you say you are versatile, then be prepared to fuck and be fucked. If you just want to be the top or the bottom, let them know.

Managing expectations is a great way to exceed them.

Have you ever left a hook-up?

What are some of your tips for making them hot?