It seems like in this day and age we are all more comfortable with labels. In this case, we are talking about describing someone’s appearance and sexual interests. Especially in the gay world, we like to be able to use a word or two to sum each other (and at times ourselves) up. Bear, Muscle Queen, Daddy, Twink, Bitch…

1). What’s your type?
People tend to respond to a specific type. Sometime, they look exactly like themselves, sometimes the opposite. The downside to having a type is that they come with pre-conceived expectations. You might expect a certain type to be a bottom or a top. You risk missing out if you presume something ahead of time.

2).Why the need to create categories?
We are heavily influenced by what others in the gay community like and what gay media deems appropriate. Terms like bear, cub, otter, and twink are thrown around a lot today. Does it make us feel like we are part of a special group? Does it help find others like us, thereby celebrating our own self-image? Probably a bit of both, as sometimes the labels are used to celebrate and put down groups at the same time. Decide for yourself on what the categories mean for you.

3). How do you think you are perceived? Do you like how you are described? People who are quick to label frequently don’t like how they themselves are described. Why is that? You may be able to change your appearance to some degree, depending on how much work you want to do. There are many different ways you can set yourself apart, aside from how you look.

4). Do you find yourself only hooking up with one type?
There is nothing wrong with that, but you might be limiting your experiences. Try something new. Maybe check out a bear night, a twink night, a latin night. You can only learn more about the community and yourself.

Do you have a type? Do you fit into a “group”?

Keeping it Interesting

Let’s have a conversation about keeping a physical relationship fun. You have been having sex with the same person for awhile. It was super hot in the beginning, and now it is starting to feel like you do the same thing all the time. Sure, it works, and you get off, but how do you get creative and keep it interesting? Many people immediately picture whips and chains, but that’s not necessary. It is pretty easy to explore and develop your own fantasies.

1). Start with the easy ways to change it up. Have sex in the morning, instead of only at night. Wear a jock strap to bed, or a tank top. Leave the lights on, or off. Try it sober, or less drunk.

2). Talking dirty is a turn on for many people, but everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to this. It is not necessarily easy for everyone to be creative and comfortable saying things out of the ordinary. Start with what you like, saying things like, “this big cock likes you”. Then work up to a better dialogue. Role playing could be a way to come up with the words. You could start by picturing the first time you hooked up. Then take it from there. And if it feels a little silly, it is ok to laugh.

3). It is not ok to laugh at your partner’s fantasy. It takes a lot of self-confidence and trust to share intimate fantasies. However, if you can get there, it should make the physical act much more intense and enjoyable. Try to say “yes”, even if it isn’t your thing. If your partner really likes it and you like that they do, it could become your thing.

4). Once you have worked through some of the easy and free options, you can look at clothing, gear or toys. You might already have a favorite toy that you enjoy. What about letting them play with it and you? This does require some trust, and communication, but totally worth it. Try going online shopping for something together. You can see how each other reacts to toys, and images. Respond honestly to what you like, that will make things more fun.

We will also suggest that you might try watching porn together. We know a good site.

Join us in DC this weekend!


When the hook up you want, isn’t the hook up you get…

You are drinking and having fun. You may be flirting with lots of guys, virtually or in person. You know that you want to get laid, and you are free to do so. How should you pick one and close the deal?

1). Frequently many of these guys turn out to be flakes. It probably happens more often when you are on an app, but it can happen in a bar or club as well. We recommend you keep your options open. If you have chemistry with someone, and it doesn’t happen, you could still try again at another time.

Try not to let your feelings get hurt if someone rejects you or just disappears. Sometimes they get a better offer. Sometimes they are just enjoying the flirting and they don’t want to actually get in their car and go down to your neighborhood when they can jerk it at home. Maybe you are not their type but they were bored. You may have even have done the same thing at one time or another. Take it for what it’s worth.

2).You decide to move forward with someone who is not your first choice. You say yes because they were aggressive and you found it flattering, or it also may just be that time of the night. You have had enough to drink and / or you are horny enough to say yes. The best thing to do is run with it. You should give it your all, because they are. And if you are going to actually hook up, why not enjoy it? It is supposed to be better than jacking off alone.

3). You get together and the sex is… not better than jacking off alone. As you are leaving, you may be thinking “it was not my best effort”. Next time, make sure you try harder. Most of us don’t want somebody thinking that we are bad in bed. Does it even matter? What is “good in bed”, when it is 3am and you are drunk?

Remember, sex is supposed to be fun for both of you, and it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.